Wednesday, December 17, 2008

tr.v. ob·jec·ti·fied, ob·jec·ti·fy·ing, ob·jec·ti·fies
1. To present or regard as an object: 2. To make objective, external, or concrete:

5 Syllable words... or phrases:

  • marilyn monroe

  • wichita, kansas

  • independence day

  • great expectations

  • serendipity

Attending a birthday karaoke gathering in Johnson Cty., KS recently (at an unlikely, but lively dive), I had the opportunity to drop a 5 syllable word~ like a bomb that had long before been ignited, embers awaiting ignition; and (fortunately) the recipient was playful, witty and not overly intoxicated~ at this point. This did not go unnoticed amongst newer friends and we giggled (okay, I giggled; others laughed) about this commentary that thrust me out, once again, from the safe confines of 'the group.' Damn vocab.

It all started when my man and I made our 'colorful' arrival into a rather low key, and a little low brow establishment, sporting Ugly Christmas sweaters from a prior engagement earlier in the evening. (Forgive me my alliterations. They fuel me.) As niceties and greetings were being made with those we were meeting there (some for the first time), a fellow bar lass (and probably a 'regular') started pawing at my sweater and carrying on a little too loudly and too enthusiastically about her affection for my sweater.

It was at this point, (alas) and before I could stop the words from repelling from my tongue, that I asked her if she was 'objectifying me' for my sweater. She surprised me with a quick-witted (yes, I mean those words conjoined,) reasonably sober response (especially for this clientele,) indicating that she was indeed 'cov.e.ting' it. It was great. I was so pleasantly surprised at the banter, as I'm a (non-slutty) whore for wordplay and will throw down anyplace, anytime~ although not always aloud. We both laughed (with each other, as opposed to at each other); and it only became minutely awkward as the evening progressed when she kept announcing her affinity for the sweater with increasing vigor and projecftion, and stroking it (ala moi) upon her treks to, and increasingly from, the bathroom.

I told said newer friend who witnessed this (the only one who will publicly admit to following these musings), that 'objectifying' would become the title of my next posting, and I stand true to my word. Honestly, it's been a stretch to link that 5 syllable word to any semblance of a cohesive blog. I started contemplating 5 syllable words and terms and, as you can witness, I wasn't delving deep for this so I limited them to just a few. I take great personal comfort in knowing, however, that 'disappointments' and 'limitations' take lesser pronunciation effort than ' great expectations.' I wanted to include Eleanor Roosevelt, but as any 2nd grade scholar can determine, that would put me one syllable over my self-imposed limit; and I highly doubt the former first woman went by Ellie.

Next, I jumped on some crazy self-defined theory equating length of terms with perceived importance or significance. (Apparently, length matters.) Did my 'objectifying' place me higher than the 'coveting' I was met with? I know better... but have you tried to create conversations based around abundantly syllabic words? Try it. (I'll wait... Waiting. Ahem. Try it, you there with that smug look on your face and your 6-7 syllable words.) I did, and you can see that I quickly gave way to phrases instead.

So, both Marilyn and Mother Teresa rate at 5? I can see that, in some circles. Bill Clinton falls short with only 3. But notice Hillary Rodham is at a whopping 7. And Monica Lewinsky. You figure it out. Barack Obama, entertaining this vacuous theory of mine,- it would seem we should fare fairly well where he is concerned. John McCain? Too little... and too late, in life, perhaps too.

I found, ironically, myself objectifying the very list I cited, essentially, and valuing the parts more than the whole at times. And maybe it's good enough some days, in our casual conversations to look at the daily or ordinary with average vocabulary, keeping observations to 3 syllable terms or fewer~ lest we play our cards too soon and inhibit our acquaintances by shamelessly reveling in our inane, but lengthy banter. Huh? Perhaps this isn't the time to mention that the formal, legal name of the love of my life comes in at 5; I'll raise him 2, to my 7. :) And, what's any of this really mean anyway... John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt?

Note: My birth name comes in at a 5, so I'll concede equivalence~ in that arena. :) Also, dear followers, thank you for not chiding me for citing 'expectations' as a 5 syllable word, allowing for in.san.i.ty which is more prevalent, and openly embraced, during the chaotic festivities of the merry season. In your honor, I've included the descriptor inclusion, bringing it to 5.